I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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