i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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