I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
