dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
