I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
