There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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