Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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