i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
