if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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