Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I met the friendliest cop last night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
