She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
