but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
