I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
