Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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