You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
