So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
