The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
