My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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