I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
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This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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