OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
