i just google imaged poop.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
