I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
