mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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