Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
