What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
