well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
