I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
