There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
