community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
