nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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