Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
