when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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