So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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