just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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