i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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