You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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