Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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