Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
