Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
