I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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