I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
