You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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