Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize