No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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