you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
