I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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