Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
