dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
