The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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