Texts From Last Night

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom

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  (717): Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom http://tfl.nu/cpi6
  Replies (46) Good night (725) Bad night (9059)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.

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  (484): I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition. http://tfl.nu/zjox
  Replies (9) Good night (4938) Bad night (879)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up

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  (502): I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up http://tfl.nu/gsij
  Replies (27) Good night (7509) Bad night (742)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination

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  (973): hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination http://tfl.nu/nh5d
  Replies (17) Good night (868) Bad night (3679)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience

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  (541): You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience http://tfl.nu/ta5s
  Replies (13) Good night (1632) Bad night (6439)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church

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  (517): Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church http://tfl.nu/wqjh
  Replies (3) Good night (911) Bad night (2816)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.

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  (701): Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically. http://tfl.nu/syut
  Replies (4) Good night (639) Bad night (1299)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed

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  (843): I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed http://tfl.nu/od18
  Replies (9) Good night (588) Bad night (2132)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"

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  (334): Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!" http://tfl.nu/kpjr
  Replies (4) Good night (1005) Bad night (427)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?

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  (203): If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche? http://tfl.nu/avjw
  Replies (22) Good night (3037) Bad night (825)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...

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  (440): Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet... http://tfl.nu/o56f
  Replies (2) Good night (837) Bad night (405)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...

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  (615): Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers... http://tfl.nu/ugq8
  Replies (5) Good night (654) Bad night (332)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job

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  (732): Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job http://tfl.nu/u9q1
  Replies (4) Good night (1063) Bad night (257)
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  (212): View more from New York

  so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated

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  (212): so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated http://tfl.nu/0gd1
  Replies (2) Good night (670) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...

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  (615): If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well... http://tfl.nu/i7xy
  Replies (4) Good night (819) Bad night (372)

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