this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?