i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.