Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
birth control should be required to get into college
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Even my vagina gasped.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.