My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
