Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
