just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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