I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went