no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket