i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.