i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
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Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
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best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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