My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
