How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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