if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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