Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
