Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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