I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
