i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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