He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
