its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
