Will you blow on my dice?
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
