I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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