Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
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It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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