Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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