Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
