if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize