i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
