i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
