does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
