It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
