I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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