He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
