is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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