Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
