when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize