i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
