i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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