hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
well you can't waste a boner
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
