i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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