whats a polygalesbian?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.