"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The cops high fived after they tackled you
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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