I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here