hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
