Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here