The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.