last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize