I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
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It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch