Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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