I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
