no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He kissed a someone with a penis
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
