she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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