before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
